Faith

It’s been 9months since the injury that rocked my world. What I have been through this past 9 months in my life is something that I can only thank god for getting me through. Have I been perfect??? NO. Have I had all sunny days and no cloudy and rainy days??? NO..... Have I had Faith??? YES...

Faith...

When you think of Faith what comes to your mind? Take a moment and think about the things you have faith in the most.  When I did that I thought about my faith I have in my athletic abilities, the faith I have in my relationships with certain people, but ultimately I think about the Faith that I have in GOD. 

It’s been a long road for me to develop a strong faith in god. Just being honest I was the guy who always ask why don’t I have this and why haven’t I done that. I was never grateful for the small victories that god had granted me. It took some humbling to be able to open my eyes and not only see but to appreciate how I got to where I am and why I am where I am today.

I was guilty of always wanting MORE but not really having justification of why I wanted more. I heard a testimony from a person I didn’t know it and helped put things into perspective for me he said that he was in class and his professor was talking. She began to go off on a rant about who she was saying “ I’m married but I got divorced and now I am a lesbian, I have a Mercedes an Audi, and a BMW, I have several homes, I have multiple degrees.” ˙e had more in this testimony but it spoke to me after she said all of that stuff. Everything she said she had I want. I want it and I was on a path to get it whatever way I could. But I realized that if tomorrow you give me the car of my dreams I am not going to be satisfied, I will only want a bigger house to park it at.  Basically what I am saying is that I was always going to want more things in my life that were going to satisfy my flesh. I mean think about it, who doesn’t like to be “That” guy or girl? Everybody wants to be a “Boss” these days. Not that wanting more and better for you is bad at all. I learned that it’s the way in which you want it and how you plan to use whatever it is that you want to better the world around you and most importantly how you will use whatever god gives you to help uplift him. At that point I realized that I should just surrender myself to god fully and that I should have Faith in what he is doing in my life. It hard to really follow the saying “let go and let god” but it’s something that I really have bee trying to do. The point of this blog was to just encourage you to have faith in the one true important thing in this world. Your relationship with the big guy upstairs. I promise it has been refreshing for me and though I continue to stumble in my walk with him I know that he has me and that no matter what I am covered by his grace. When you feeling down and in a valley and it seems like you cant seem to escape the ills of the world just have FAITH that he will see you through it. And remember to P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens.

Matthew 17:20

And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it shall move; and nothing shall be impossible to you.

Who are you?

 Okay so I hope this makes sense…..

Too often do we go about living our lives on a daily basis not knowing who WE are. Who are YOU? That’s a question that not many of us can honestly answer. Who am I, Well besides being Terrell Wilks… Who are you??? It’s a question that I have found myself pondering over for a while now. I’m 22 years old, not old but definitely not getting any younger. I am in the emerging adulthood stage of my life. A time where I am finding ME.  I have a lot of room to grow but I don’t know how much time I have to make that growth happen. This time not competing has made me see things about myself that I don’t think I was…. Wait let me correct that I KNOW I wasn’t paying any attention too. I believe that this phase that I am in right now is a test. A test to see who, and what my true commitments are too. I believe that god showed me that yes I am a naturally gifted athlete but without him I can never reach my max potential. I say that was my test because the race where I hurt myself I pulled up early but the momentum I had created early in the race caused me to not finish last and to still run the fastest time I had ever ran in my life for 60 meters. If that wasn’t a message I don’t know what is. Being honest with myself and thinking about the place in life in which I was in I know had I finished that race like I thought I was supposed to, I wouldn’t be sitting up writing these blogs. I wouldn’t open my bible randomly just to try to get a better understanding of life. Finally, I wouldn’t have slowed down long enough to see all the good I was missing out on by not fully giving myself to the right person. The only way I was able to realize that was by figuring out who I am.  

This time down has forced me to reevaluate who Terrell Wilks is…. It’s ok now for me to look back at myself and say that I was weak. That I needed help (which I still do). A few other things too, but I wont bash myself too much. I have come to a better understanding of who I am and what it is I have to do to reach my max potential in this life. Now max potential to me doesn’t mean that I am going to win an Olympic gold medal… Would I like to? YES, but now knowing and understanding what it means when I hear that things don’t happen on my time, they happen on gods, I feel like I am going to be ok. I realize that these past few months I have learned things about myself that a lot of people would never understand if I told them and that’s ok because the right person understands. No I don’t live my life 100% right all the time. But I can honestly say that I have gotten Better. Progress is key in all aspects of your life. I think that progress is only made once you figure out who YOU are. It’s ok to take time to do that. It’s needed and its well respected by people when you can present yourself in a very assuring way. Today I can say I know who Terrell Wilks is, maybe not in my entirety but I’m a lot more familiar with myself now than I had been in the past. You should try it. Learn yourself before you attempt to try to learn someone else or even before you try to present yourself. A polished product is always the best!!!

Patience

As a motivated human being we always want to do better and be better than we currently are. Its called hunger and drive.... That same hunger and drive can be used to harm us. It can cause us to be impatient and that often leads to results that we don’t necessarily want.  I often find myself forgetting that my life is not going to go on my clock and things aren’t always going to happen when I want them to and how I have them planned for myself. It’s a higher power that controls that. It’s hard to accept that at times but I have no choice. Everyday when I wake up and before I go to bed, I am constantly trying to figure out the next move I can make to make myself great. I think that at times my drive to be great can cause me to skip over steps and not pay attention to small details that I am supposed to. My solution is simple. Slow down and follow gods plan.  I have been learning that, yes today I may not be where I want to be but I know that if I continue to have a strong faith in god and if I continue to live my life through him that I will end up better than I could have ever imagined. It may mean that a dream I have for myself may never be accomplished. I’m okay with that. My plan isn’t the most important plan. (I’ll be honest, just writing that was one of the hardest things I had to do.) Saying that and truly believing it is a really humbling experience

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Think about it in relationship to track…. 

In the 4x100 meter relay there are four runners all most likely the fastest guys on your team. They all have different ranges of speed. In order to exchange the baton between the athletes one has to be patient and trust in one themselves and two the other person’s ability. One must trust that they will be patient enough to wait for the incoming runner to hit the mark and that when they take off they must trust that the incoming runner will be able to get the baton to them. This must be duplicated three times in order to have a successful relay. I think life is like this too. You have to trust that god has the right and only right plan for you. You must be able to zone in on what it is that he has planned for you and you must be able to move along and overcome the obstacles that are placed in front of you in order for you to reach the ultimate goal of the finish line.

(That made sense to me and hopefully it did to you as well)

Its a lot easier for me to sit and write this than it is for me to actually live through this but I am learning to do so. “ Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”  That quote is on the home screen of my phone. I am forced to constantly look down at it and reread it. When I feel myself getting down about a current situation, or if I am putting the carriage before the horse in any situation it’s a great reminder to slow down.  Having patience is really tough and I think all people have some struggle at times with it. It’s ok though you should be eager to be better. We all just have to find a way to do that within the plan god already has for us……. 

Time Flies

Time Flies.....

It’s almost been a month since my last post. I looked today and was a little shocked. As I think back to what I have been through the past few weeks I must say that only god could be the reason for how I am doing and how I feel. It’s been 11 weeks and a few days since I hurt myself and I must say my progress has been remarkable. I was told that I wasn't going to be able to run again until week 12 but I can confidently say I started light jogging at week 6 and I sprinted again this week. SPIKES and all. Each day has been a little easier than the last. I’m still doing my rehab program and still working out in the weight room too. I hit 365 for a parallel squat two weeks go and now I've moved on to a front squatting cycle. 

I must admit that 11 weeks ago I couldn’t imagine the day I would be able to run again. (That’s just the amount of pain I was in) but I kept a strong faith in god an in my natural abilities and i'm on my way!!! I’m not ready yet but all a person needs to see is a little progress and you tend to automatically get an extra boost of confidence to push on. If found myself focusing a lot more on the little things in life too. The smallest gestures from people i've began to notice more. It’s probably because of all the small things I had to pay attention to while healing. It has forced me to just carry it over into my everyday life. The small things people have done for me have been the things that have made the Time Fly.... some things have been positive and some negative and I have been learning a lot about the people around me. I always thought that I was a person who paid attention to the fine print but as of late I have really been getting a better understanding for what that meant. 

The support I haven’t been getting is what I think has been the most inspirational in that extra attention to detail.  Like I wrote last time its ok to just let people go and by me following my own advice it has mad things a lot lighter on me... Yea it hurt at first and even know it does because no human likes to realize that a person they though cared about them oh so much is doing just the opposite... but Time goes on and it Flies by and those hurt days are soon replaced by the joy of the progress you have been seeing for yourself. I think at times it just takes that time to yourself for you too see that the strongest and most deadly weapon you have is yourself. We can be the most positive person when it comes to ourselves but we can also be our biggest and most harmful critic. Its important in your time of grief or disappointment that you remember that you are the same person who has had great exciting moments and that whatever down period you are in YOU can get your self out. Once you get out of the down situation you always look back and say dang Time sure does fly, I can remember when I was ________. My quiet moment isn’t over yet. I am not racing for a few more weeks but I am getting closer to making another explosion on a track somewhere close.

Thank you to the people who are truly in my corner and support me. Not just athletically but emotionally and just in my everyday life. Ill takes my four quarters all day everyday over 100 pennies. It’s those four quarters that are making me PUSH and keep my eyes on the prize.......

Thank you to the people and things that weren’t truly in my corner for you have helped me reduce my load. I don’t have to go out my way any longer and you helped me realize a lot of what I should have already knew!!! 


TIME FLIES  

The Next Phase

The Next Phase..............

Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting a tremendous amount of support from people and places that I never expected. Those of you I say thank you for the continued support and prayers!!! I been getting less support from places I would be expecting to get the most of it from. That hurts but I have gotten over it and its helped to contribute to this next blog. I have to do better at prioritizing people and things in my life. Not every person or thing holds me in the same regard as I do them and I now see that. The next phase of my rehab is going to be the hardest part.  I am not ready to run just yet but I am about to begin to test new limits with my leg.  In the weight room I was able to squat again with weight I was only going to use 95lbs but ended up going up to 225lbs. Far from my personal best lift but it’s a start. All I ask for is progress. With the new start I plan on making some other changes in my life as well. I think as a human its okay to remove things and people who are just there taking up space or causing harm to you. That harm can be caused in a mental, physical, and emotional way. Obviously you automatically want to eliminate anything that is causing physical harm to you. The other two are not so obvious. You have to be 100% honest with yourself and that particular situation or person. I am not saying walk away from every situation or person that is not on your good side right now. Almost every person in you life is going to cause some sort of problem for you. Think about it you have bad times with your parent’s, siblings, relatives, coaches, teachers, friends, significant others and strangers. That being said its important that you analyze what value each relationship you have with someone and be honest. Is this relation ship hurting me mentally and emotionally more than I am willing to deal with? If it is I need to move on from that person and situation. It hurts to say goodbye but in the long run it’s worth it.

That being said in my next phase of recovery I’m going to do my best to revaluate my relationships with a lot of people and other things that I am involved in. At times I find myself emotionally mentally drained to a point of confusion. It’s hard to explain because I don’t think of myself as an emotional guy. But at times I find myself in situations that are spending more time making me mad or sad than they are making me happy. I think its important to find that balance and to make sure you build your team with people who have your back and best interest at all times not just when its convenient for them, God has your back at all times so that’s the first place you have to start the relationship building after that everything else will fall in place. Remember to put the people first who put you first, A good friend reminded me of that yesterday, thanks Tia!!!

Since my last blog I’ve been feeling better I think writing about what I was going through helped me tremendously and I hope that it helped someone else. 

The feeling of being alone........

Ok guys it’s me again and I would like to thank everyone who has been reading my blog so far. I know I said I was going to post every day but you guys know how life can consume you… Anyways today I had a urge to write about one of current mind states and I think it’s a period that a lot of people go thru whether they are an athlete or not.

Right now during this time I am feeling alone…… I feel like I have a few people in my corner but something is missing there is an emptiness that I cant really explain. I get up daily and I approach my days like a man on a mission but I feel like there is something missing.

Recently I had been battling my thoughts about myself and it was beating me down pretty bad. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it for the fear that someone may have thought I was crazy. I had been trying to cover up the way I feel by going away and going out with friends. All a while I wasn’t really feeling like myself. Yes I still smiled and told jokes and I still was around but lately I just haven’t been ALL the way there. I have been feeling down and out and like I just didn’t matter to anyone (besides my mother and sister).  I decided to get on the Internet and look up depression. I looked up signs of depression. When I seen the symptoms I was a little shocked. All of the symptoms listed except for one where how I had been feeling as of late.

This is what I read

What are symptoms of depression?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

· Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

· Fatigue and decreased energy

· Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

· Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

· Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

· Irritability, restlessness

· Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

· Overeating or appetite loss

· Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

· Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

· Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

The only feeling I hadn’t had was the suicidal thoughts… That NEVER crossed my mind.  I’ve found myself having to talk to my mother a lot and it’s been helping over the past few days. I been working out hard and in fact I even jogged a little two days ago… THANK GOD. Most of all I’ve been in heavy prayer and meditation. I know that god would not put more on me than I can bear and I also know that what ever demons I feel are trying to cloud my mind that god will make sure I am always able to see clear of them. I know that the easy way out of this would be to just give up. It’s harder for a man to fight than it is for him to just lie down in the time of battle. I’m a fighter and I know that a lot of other people out there are fighters too. I know that this blog may not make sense to a lot of people but I am almost 100% positive that there is someone else out there feeling alone and depressed. Who ever you are just remember that in the times when you feel alone or that no one care about you or that you are the only person who bad things seem to keep happening too there is someone there with you. There is a person there guiding you and trying to help you through your trying time. We all have slumps we as human beings just have to figure out what we are going to do to stay sane and driven while in that slump and we must know what we are going to do when we get out of the slump and who we will thank for helping us. God has been very present in my life and I know that because of him I will be ok and so will you…

You cant keep a fighter down…. I’ll fall 9 times but I guarantee I will get up 10!!!

To help myself say upbeat and happy I have been going to the baby gator daycare center here at the University of Florida campus. I was only supposed to go one day last week as an observer for a class I am taking here at UF but when I went my first day I met a kid name Ralphie. Ralphie had been having some very tough days at baby gator and every day he would get a red sticker to show that he wasn't having a good day. Green was good yellow was ok and red was bad. I was in the classroom when his mom came to pick him up and the look on her face when she seen that he had gotten another red sticker was heartbreaking. I talked to Ralphie because I could see that his mom was running out of thoughts and she looked exhausted. I told him if he had 3 green days in a row I would bring him some cheetos and a Gatorade. I love cheetos and Gatorade so I figured a five year old would like it too.  I made sure I made it on time everyday for the next few days to check in with Ralphie his teachers always told me he was asking for me and it gave me joy =everyday to see the young man trying his best and actually having green days. He had three consecutive green days and I held up my end of the bargain. His mom was happy he was happy his teacher was happy and I even cracked a smile. It was a great experience. A little help from you can go a long way. 

Disclaimer… If you know anyone dealing with depression don’t take it lightly it’s a very serious thing. It’s a mental state that a person really can’t control. Help them or help them to seek help. You’re not crazy if you talk to a psychologist or whomever it is you need to talk to. 

Everything Happens for a Reason.......


And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8.28

Been back in Gainesville since Sunday and been at work since I’ve been back. I’m trying to get back to where I was I am determined to get back where I was... I will get back to where I was and I will exceed that point. 

This week is one that I have had to approach with a sense of determination and I have had to put blinders on to what everyone else is doing around me. This week is the week of the Indoor World Championships and the week of NCAA indoor championships. It’s tough to look at this stuff and watch because last year I competed at one of the meets and this year I had hopes to compete at the other meet. Instead I’m not at either meet. It’s ok though. I’m a firm believer in the saying Everything Happens for a reason. I believe in it so much because its been a way of life that I have been forced to live by.

Check This Out
 
In high school I only ran track during my senior year. I was going to go to school to play football at Villanova University because football was my passion and what I wanted to do. I ran track for a REASON that I didn’t understand until the end of July when I was enrolled at Villanova. I was there at school taking classes and working out with my new football team I was 17-year-old freshman. I got in some trouble there and I was Wrongfully accused of participating in a sexual assault at the school during one weekend there. I was bought to the school police station and asked to fill out a statement and I was kept there for a little while before being let go. I was trespassed from campus and a few days later the university rescinded my scholarship. That was done before a charge was ever filed against me and it was upheld even after NO CHARGE was ever filed. I had to go home and I had to come up with another plan. I could either wait and enroll in school somewhere else in January and play football or I could go to school in the upcoming fall to run track. THINGS HAPPEN for a REASON.

By the grace of God I was given a chance at The University of Florida and the rest of that story is history. I had to dig deep since I recently got hurt and try to remember why I believe that everything happens for a reason. If that wasn’t the case and god didn’t have my back I never would have got a shot and if I didn’t get another shot I wouldn’t be here today writing this blog to you all ….

Day 2.......

Today I am taking a different approach to my rehab. I chose to leave Gainesville for the weekend to just get away. I'll do what I can to rehab but right now I have to rehab my mind. 

It’s the weekend leading into spring break here at UF and I think this break is well needed for me and all of my peers. At times the stresses of school, track, regular life can be overbearing and you really just need a break from it all.

So this weekend I am taking a trip.  This blog is going to be kind of a tell all about myself Id like to think of myself as an example so I don’t have a problem telling my story!!!

I grew up in a single parent home and was raised by all women. I was raised to be a leader and to be the man of the house. There was minimal contact between my father and I... let me not say minimal there was NO contact. For as long as I can think back me and him did not have any contact whatsoever. I went through elementary, middle, high school and almost completed college before my father and I were able to meet up with each other and discuss the problems and how we were going to fix them. There have been times when I have been angry and times where I have been sad about what was going on between me and my father or shall I say WHAT WAS NOT going on between me and my father. I always felt like I did something to make him turn his back on me.  No matter how much my dad didn't talk to me I always had a soft spot for him. Even though he has never seen a report card of mine or until recently had never seen me play any sports I still had a big soft spot for the guy. It’s not explainable. I have an older brother whom I just met for the first time in 2011 and I have a younger brother who I met but we never had much contact. In August of 2011 we all stood in the same house at the same time for the 1st time in my 22 years of life. It was the first time I ever got to hear the story of my fathers drug addiction told in all its truth. He is a strong guy. He was down and out for over ten years because of the drugs and now he’s been clean for ten years It’s a moment that I will never forget

Since august we have all be making an effort to talk and to schedule visits to see one another. That’s where I’m headed to this weekend. I think going there this weekend is going to give me a chance to take my mind off my leg and to just be in a comfortable place. Not to mention it’s a pretty busy weekend in Charlotte sooooo I should be fine there. 

I think that it is important to be able to take a step back from your everyday life and get away at times. Not run away from your problems but take a step back and reevaluate what exactly is going on. I’m in pain as I type this but the pain is ok because I know it wont always be there and that I’m about to board my flight to go to a place where I can imagine that the pain doesn't exist.

A good place to end today’s blog would be with this text I received while I was sitting here writing this. 

If this did not speak to what I am going through right now I dont know what will!!! Thank you Michelle!!! 

And im GONE!!!!!

Normally when it comes to my personal life i am not really open. When I go through different things I usually keep them to myself. But I was given some great advice from my Strength and Conditioning coach Matt Delancy today. He told me that I should start a blog and document the rehab process I am currently going through. I’m not sure if anyone is going to read this but if I can be a testimony and help just one person in the world I think that this blog will have served it purpose. 

Background info about myself

My Names Terrell Wilks. I am 22years old and I am from New Haven, CT. I grew up in a single parent home with just my mother and my little sister. "THEY ARE MY WORLD". I came down to Florida on a full track and field scholarship in 2007 and I have just completed my career here at The University of Florida. I’m still here completing my degree and training.

Life Right Now

Well as I said up above I finished my career at Florida and now I am competing professionally on the track and field circuit. This track and Field sport is one that not many people will ever get to experience. It’s both a gift and a curse... People are classified in this sport in a few different ways.

1. You have you athletes who had stellar college careers and they get the big contracts and are treated amazing by everyone. 

2. You have the athletes that didn't have that Amazing career and they don’t get the big time deal but get a little something that’s enough to let hem stay in the sport and try to get the big bucks.

3. You have the people who are just out here!!! 

I fall into the tier two athletes. Yes I won a few national titles but I won them running relays and team titles. I was never able to claim that one individual title for myself. I did however in 4 years make my share of NCAA Finals and I had a few moments that ill look back on and never forget. I signed with an agent and I was competing unattached for the first few meets of my Professional career. Luckily for me I was given a chance by a company and now those unattached days for me are over. 

WHY THE BLOG

 Well the sudden reason for this blog is to document my journey back to the track.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_-_WHpcK4w

The link above shows the race in which I hurt myself. I was in Birmingham, England at the Aviva Grand Prix. I ran and tied the fastest time in my life but I tore my Rectus Femoris while doing so. If you watch the video closely you will see me slow down before the line. Obviously I was not winning the race so slowing down prematurely would be hurting no one but myself, I slowed down because I felt a pop in the front of my hip and I instantly knew something was wrong.  I kept a clean face about the injury and I flew back home the next day after the meet. All of my international flyers reading this can vouch for me when I say flying over 10 hours in pain is a TERRIBLE FEELING. I had to do that and it wasn’t pretty. I made it back to the states and I got to come in and see the doctors at the University. I couldn’t get an MRI in enough time before I left to go with the UF Track team to the conference meet this past weekend so I had to sit again through the pain. IM TOUGH though so I just put the pain aside and did my duties as a volunteer assistant coach. I saw a bunch of GREAT performances from my gators and the ladies won the 201 Indoor SEC Title it was a great weekend overall but I knew in the back of my mind the whole weekend that I was going to have to deal with my medical situation as soon as I got back to Gainesville.  We came back to Gainesville on Monday and I had an MRI scheduled for that evening. I went at 5pm and got it taken care of...........

That night I found myself not able to sleep because I was hoping for the best but expecting the worse news. I prayed and I iced and I prayed and I iced some more. The next day I found out what exactly was wrong with me at around 4pm.  I was told that I had torn my Rectus Femoris all the way through like the worst tear possible. TOUGH NEWS for me...........

The next day which just so happens to be today I went in again and I found out that Andy our trainer and Matt had came up with a rehab plan for me and today was day one of it. I’m approaching my rehab like I have never approached something in my life. I have a dream to accomplish this year and I wont let a torn anything be the end of me and my quest to make the United States Olympic Team this year. 

I just want to be an example that you can defy the odds. I have a few people who have been around me enough to know that I have some of the worst luck known to man but they also can vouch for me to say that I can handle adversity like no other person. I’m just going to document that all here. 

Day one of my rehab consisted of an intense day in the training room using several machines and doing a few body weight exercises. I have to get my quad to react again it has went dead on me not all the way but enough to make there be a  difference in the definition of the two muscles already. 

I also went to the weight room ad did a few lifts that did not cause any pain and a hip mobility circuit. 

I did 5x5 set of RDL's 

5 rounds of a Hip Mobility Circuit

Hard Core Circuit

That stuff seems to not be a lot but its was very intense for me. Today was a very emotional day for me. I know its not normal for guys to show emotion so i didn't show it but inside i was full of it. Im determined to get back in les than the 12 weeks they old me it would take. With god, my determination, my rehab plan and a solid support system Terrell Wilks will be back up and running in No TIME. 

IM HERE TO TELL ANY PERSON WHO FEELS LIKE THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THINGS ALONE AND THAT THEIR THE MOST UNLUCKY OR TROUBLED PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT THE ARE NOT. WE ALL STRUGGLE AND ITS OUR JOB AS HUMAN BEINGS TO HELP EACH OTHER THROUGH THIS STRUGGLE. 

I can Do all things through Christ who strengthens me.. Philippians 4:13