Drive Phase

Right now I am at a point in my life that is full of questions that don’t seem to have answers—or if they do have answers, they are not the answers that I want.  I call it the drive phase. In relation to track and field, the drive phase is one of the most important parts of a sprinters race. WHY? Well yes, you may have not got out the blocks before the person next to you but if you execute your drive phase properly, you can not only catch back up, you can pass the lanes that surround you. Right now I am doing nothing that I love to do. It sucks to admit it, but it’s the truth. I feel like I am failing right now only because I am so ambitious and I only want to see myself do great things. That ambition is a gift and a curse. For example: I wanted nothing more than to go to a great university and to obtain a degree. I went to a great university and I did just that. Yes it too ambition but at the same time on the day that I graduated from that great university I was spending my day dwelling on what I was going to do next not even giving myself that particular day to let it all marinate. As humans we must not ever forget to be grateful for all things that come into our lives—small wins are wins just like big wins are wins.

Fast forward to where I am today: I have goals and dreams. Right now I am not living out my dreams but I am doing what I need to do to one day be able to say that I have accomplished my dreams.. Do you work all day long doing something you don’t feel you are destined to do while still being proactive in pursuing your dream? Or do you just feel under valued and not appreciated? The point of this post is just to tell anyone who may have been feeling down about where they are in this present moment in life that you can do it. Whatever it is I just want you to know that you are not alone. We all go through the phases of life and all of them are not going to be the best moments of our lives. If success was easy to attain, then we would all be rich and famous.

Stay in your drive phase and take all the necessary steps to come out of it on top. Know that you aren’t by yourself in the struggle, as well. There are people near you who are going through the same thing and there is a higher being who sees it all taking form…  Just know that it’s all going to be ok!!!  Whatever you want to happen in your life will happen if you go about it the right way and put your trust in the right being!

John 16:32-33 
"A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. 
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Faith

It’s been 9months since the injury that rocked my world. What I have been through this past 9 months in my life is something that I can only thank god for getting me through. Have I been perfect??? NO. Have I had all sunny days and no cloudy and rainy days??? NO..... Have I had Faith??? YES...

Faith...

When you think of Faith what comes to your mind? Take a moment and think about the things you have faith in the most.  When I did that I thought about my faith I have in my athletic abilities, the faith I have in my relationships with certain people, but ultimately I think about the Faith that I have in GOD. 

It’s been a long road for me to develop a strong faith in god. Just being honest I was the guy who always ask why don’t I have this and why haven’t I done that. I was never grateful for the small victories that god had granted me. It took some humbling to be able to open my eyes and not only see but to appreciate how I got to where I am and why I am where I am today.

I was guilty of always wanting MORE but not really having justification of why I wanted more. I heard a testimony from a person I didn’t know it and helped put things into perspective for me he said that he was in class and his professor was talking. She began to go off on a rant about who she was saying “ I’m married but I got divorced and now I am a lesbian, I have a Mercedes an Audi, and a BMW, I have several homes, I have multiple degrees.” ˙e had more in this testimony but it spoke to me after she said all of that stuff. Everything she said she had I want. I want it and I was on a path to get it whatever way I could. But I realized that if tomorrow you give me the car of my dreams I am not going to be satisfied, I will only want a bigger house to park it at.  Basically what I am saying is that I was always going to want more things in my life that were going to satisfy my flesh. I mean think about it, who doesn’t like to be “That” guy or girl? Everybody wants to be a “Boss” these days. Not that wanting more and better for you is bad at all. I learned that it’s the way in which you want it and how you plan to use whatever it is that you want to better the world around you and most importantly how you will use whatever god gives you to help uplift him. At that point I realized that I should just surrender myself to god fully and that I should have Faith in what he is doing in my life. It hard to really follow the saying “let go and let god” but it’s something that I really have bee trying to do. The point of this blog was to just encourage you to have faith in the one true important thing in this world. Your relationship with the big guy upstairs. I promise it has been refreshing for me and though I continue to stumble in my walk with him I know that he has me and that no matter what I am covered by his grace. When you feeling down and in a valley and it seems like you cant seem to escape the ills of the world just have FAITH that he will see you through it. And remember to P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens.

Matthew 17:20

And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it shall move; and nothing shall be impossible to you.

Who are you?

 Okay so I hope this makes sense…..

Too often do we go about living our lives on a daily basis not knowing who WE are. Who are YOU? That’s a question that not many of us can honestly answer. Who am I, Well besides being Terrell Wilks… Who are you??? It’s a question that I have found myself pondering over for a while now. I’m 22 years old, not old but definitely not getting any younger. I am in the emerging adulthood stage of my life. A time where I am finding ME.  I have a lot of room to grow but I don’t know how much time I have to make that growth happen. This time not competing has made me see things about myself that I don’t think I was…. Wait let me correct that I KNOW I wasn’t paying any attention too. I believe that this phase that I am in right now is a test. A test to see who, and what my true commitments are too. I believe that god showed me that yes I am a naturally gifted athlete but without him I can never reach my max potential. I say that was my test because the race where I hurt myself I pulled up early but the momentum I had created early in the race caused me to not finish last and to still run the fastest time I had ever ran in my life for 60 meters. If that wasn’t a message I don’t know what is. Being honest with myself and thinking about the place in life in which I was in I know had I finished that race like I thought I was supposed to, I wouldn’t be sitting up writing these blogs. I wouldn’t open my bible randomly just to try to get a better understanding of life. Finally, I wouldn’t have slowed down long enough to see all the good I was missing out on by not fully giving myself to the right person. The only way I was able to realize that was by figuring out who I am.  

This time down has forced me to reevaluate who Terrell Wilks is…. It’s ok now for me to look back at myself and say that I was weak. That I needed help (which I still do). A few other things too, but I wont bash myself too much. I have come to a better understanding of who I am and what it is I have to do to reach my max potential in this life. Now max potential to me doesn’t mean that I am going to win an Olympic gold medal… Would I like to? YES, but now knowing and understanding what it means when I hear that things don’t happen on my time, they happen on gods, I feel like I am going to be ok. I realize that these past few months I have learned things about myself that a lot of people would never understand if I told them and that’s ok because the right person understands. No I don’t live my life 100% right all the time. But I can honestly say that I have gotten Better. Progress is key in all aspects of your life. I think that progress is only made once you figure out who YOU are. It’s ok to take time to do that. It’s needed and its well respected by people when you can present yourself in a very assuring way. Today I can say I know who Terrell Wilks is, maybe not in my entirety but I’m a lot more familiar with myself now than I had been in the past. You should try it. Learn yourself before you attempt to try to learn someone else or even before you try to present yourself. A polished product is always the best!!!

Patience

As a motivated human being we always want to do better and be better than we currently are. Its called hunger and drive.... That same hunger and drive can be used to harm us. It can cause us to be impatient and that often leads to results that we don’t necessarily want.  I often find myself forgetting that my life is not going to go on my clock and things aren’t always going to happen when I want them to and how I have them planned for myself. It’s a higher power that controls that. It’s hard to accept that at times but I have no choice. Everyday when I wake up and before I go to bed, I am constantly trying to figure out the next move I can make to make myself great. I think that at times my drive to be great can cause me to skip over steps and not pay attention to small details that I am supposed to. My solution is simple. Slow down and follow gods plan.  I have been learning that, yes today I may not be where I want to be but I know that if I continue to have a strong faith in god and if I continue to live my life through him that I will end up better than I could have ever imagined. It may mean that a dream I have for myself may never be accomplished. I’m okay with that. My plan isn’t the most important plan. (I’ll be honest, just writing that was one of the hardest things I had to do.) Saying that and truly believing it is a really humbling experience

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Think about it in relationship to track…. 

In the 4x100 meter relay there are four runners all most likely the fastest guys on your team. They all have different ranges of speed. In order to exchange the baton between the athletes one has to be patient and trust in one themselves and two the other person’s ability. One must trust that they will be patient enough to wait for the incoming runner to hit the mark and that when they take off they must trust that the incoming runner will be able to get the baton to them. This must be duplicated three times in order to have a successful relay. I think life is like this too. You have to trust that god has the right and only right plan for you. You must be able to zone in on what it is that he has planned for you and you must be able to move along and overcome the obstacles that are placed in front of you in order for you to reach the ultimate goal of the finish line.

(That made sense to me and hopefully it did to you as well)

Its a lot easier for me to sit and write this than it is for me to actually live through this but I am learning to do so. “ Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”  That quote is on the home screen of my phone. I am forced to constantly look down at it and reread it. When I feel myself getting down about a current situation, or if I am putting the carriage before the horse in any situation it’s a great reminder to slow down.  Having patience is really tough and I think all people have some struggle at times with it. It’s ok though you should be eager to be better. We all just have to find a way to do that within the plan god already has for us……. 

Time Flies

Time Flies.....

It’s almost been a month since my last post. I looked today and was a little shocked. As I think back to what I have been through the past few weeks I must say that only god could be the reason for how I am doing and how I feel. It’s been 11 weeks and a few days since I hurt myself and I must say my progress has been remarkable. I was told that I wasn't going to be able to run again until week 12 but I can confidently say I started light jogging at week 6 and I sprinted again this week. SPIKES and all. Each day has been a little easier than the last. I’m still doing my rehab program and still working out in the weight room too. I hit 365 for a parallel squat two weeks go and now I've moved on to a front squatting cycle. 

I must admit that 11 weeks ago I couldn’t imagine the day I would be able to run again. (That’s just the amount of pain I was in) but I kept a strong faith in god an in my natural abilities and i'm on my way!!! I’m not ready yet but all a person needs to see is a little progress and you tend to automatically get an extra boost of confidence to push on. If found myself focusing a lot more on the little things in life too. The smallest gestures from people i've began to notice more. It’s probably because of all the small things I had to pay attention to while healing. It has forced me to just carry it over into my everyday life. The small things people have done for me have been the things that have made the Time Fly.... some things have been positive and some negative and I have been learning a lot about the people around me. I always thought that I was a person who paid attention to the fine print but as of late I have really been getting a better understanding for what that meant. 

The support I haven’t been getting is what I think has been the most inspirational in that extra attention to detail.  Like I wrote last time its ok to just let people go and by me following my own advice it has mad things a lot lighter on me... Yea it hurt at first and even know it does because no human likes to realize that a person they though cared about them oh so much is doing just the opposite... but Time goes on and it Flies by and those hurt days are soon replaced by the joy of the progress you have been seeing for yourself. I think at times it just takes that time to yourself for you too see that the strongest and most deadly weapon you have is yourself. We can be the most positive person when it comes to ourselves but we can also be our biggest and most harmful critic. Its important in your time of grief or disappointment that you remember that you are the same person who has had great exciting moments and that whatever down period you are in YOU can get your self out. Once you get out of the down situation you always look back and say dang Time sure does fly, I can remember when I was ________. My quiet moment isn’t over yet. I am not racing for a few more weeks but I am getting closer to making another explosion on a track somewhere close.

Thank you to the people who are truly in my corner and support me. Not just athletically but emotionally and just in my everyday life. Ill takes my four quarters all day everyday over 100 pennies. It’s those four quarters that are making me PUSH and keep my eyes on the prize.......

Thank you to the people and things that weren’t truly in my corner for you have helped me reduce my load. I don’t have to go out my way any longer and you helped me realize a lot of what I should have already knew!!! 


TIME FLIES  

The Next Phase

The Next Phase..............

Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting a tremendous amount of support from people and places that I never expected. Those of you I say thank you for the continued support and prayers!!! I been getting less support from places I would be expecting to get the most of it from. That hurts but I have gotten over it and its helped to contribute to this next blog. I have to do better at prioritizing people and things in my life. Not every person or thing holds me in the same regard as I do them and I now see that. The next phase of my rehab is going to be the hardest part.  I am not ready to run just yet but I am about to begin to test new limits with my leg.  In the weight room I was able to squat again with weight I was only going to use 95lbs but ended up going up to 225lbs. Far from my personal best lift but it’s a start. All I ask for is progress. With the new start I plan on making some other changes in my life as well. I think as a human its okay to remove things and people who are just there taking up space or causing harm to you. That harm can be caused in a mental, physical, and emotional way. Obviously you automatically want to eliminate anything that is causing physical harm to you. The other two are not so obvious. You have to be 100% honest with yourself and that particular situation or person. I am not saying walk away from every situation or person that is not on your good side right now. Almost every person in you life is going to cause some sort of problem for you. Think about it you have bad times with your parent’s, siblings, relatives, coaches, teachers, friends, significant others and strangers. That being said its important that you analyze what value each relationship you have with someone and be honest. Is this relation ship hurting me mentally and emotionally more than I am willing to deal with? If it is I need to move on from that person and situation. It hurts to say goodbye but in the long run it’s worth it.

That being said in my next phase of recovery I’m going to do my best to revaluate my relationships with a lot of people and other things that I am involved in. At times I find myself emotionally mentally drained to a point of confusion. It’s hard to explain because I don’t think of myself as an emotional guy. But at times I find myself in situations that are spending more time making me mad or sad than they are making me happy. I think its important to find that balance and to make sure you build your team with people who have your back and best interest at all times not just when its convenient for them, God has your back at all times so that’s the first place you have to start the relationship building after that everything else will fall in place. Remember to put the people first who put you first, A good friend reminded me of that yesterday, thanks Tia!!!

Since my last blog I’ve been feeling better I think writing about what I was going through helped me tremendously and I hope that it helped someone else. 

The feeling of being alone........

Ok guys it’s me again and I would like to thank everyone who has been reading my blog so far. I know I said I was going to post every day but you guys know how life can consume you… Anyways today I had a urge to write about one of current mind states and I think it’s a period that a lot of people go thru whether they are an athlete or not.

Right now during this time I am feeling alone…… I feel like I have a few people in my corner but something is missing there is an emptiness that I cant really explain. I get up daily and I approach my days like a man on a mission but I feel like there is something missing.

Recently I had been battling my thoughts about myself and it was beating me down pretty bad. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it for the fear that someone may have thought I was crazy. I had been trying to cover up the way I feel by going away and going out with friends. All a while I wasn’t really feeling like myself. Yes I still smiled and told jokes and I still was around but lately I just haven’t been ALL the way there. I have been feeling down and out and like I just didn’t matter to anyone (besides my mother and sister).  I decided to get on the Internet and look up depression. I looked up signs of depression. When I seen the symptoms I was a little shocked. All of the symptoms listed except for one where how I had been feeling as of late.

This is what I read

What are symptoms of depression?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

· Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

· Fatigue and decreased energy

· Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

· Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

· Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

· Irritability, restlessness

· Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

· Overeating or appetite loss

· Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

· Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

· Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

The only feeling I hadn’t had was the suicidal thoughts… That NEVER crossed my mind.  I’ve found myself having to talk to my mother a lot and it’s been helping over the past few days. I been working out hard and in fact I even jogged a little two days ago… THANK GOD. Most of all I’ve been in heavy prayer and meditation. I know that god would not put more on me than I can bear and I also know that what ever demons I feel are trying to cloud my mind that god will make sure I am always able to see clear of them. I know that the easy way out of this would be to just give up. It’s harder for a man to fight than it is for him to just lie down in the time of battle. I’m a fighter and I know that a lot of other people out there are fighters too. I know that this blog may not make sense to a lot of people but I am almost 100% positive that there is someone else out there feeling alone and depressed. Who ever you are just remember that in the times when you feel alone or that no one care about you or that you are the only person who bad things seem to keep happening too there is someone there with you. There is a person there guiding you and trying to help you through your trying time. We all have slumps we as human beings just have to figure out what we are going to do to stay sane and driven while in that slump and we must know what we are going to do when we get out of the slump and who we will thank for helping us. God has been very present in my life and I know that because of him I will be ok and so will you…

You cant keep a fighter down…. I’ll fall 9 times but I guarantee I will get up 10!!!

To help myself say upbeat and happy I have been going to the baby gator daycare center here at the University of Florida campus. I was only supposed to go one day last week as an observer for a class I am taking here at UF but when I went my first day I met a kid name Ralphie. Ralphie had been having some very tough days at baby gator and every day he would get a red sticker to show that he wasn't having a good day. Green was good yellow was ok and red was bad. I was in the classroom when his mom came to pick him up and the look on her face when she seen that he had gotten another red sticker was heartbreaking. I talked to Ralphie because I could see that his mom was running out of thoughts and she looked exhausted. I told him if he had 3 green days in a row I would bring him some cheetos and a Gatorade. I love cheetos and Gatorade so I figured a five year old would like it too.  I made sure I made it on time everyday for the next few days to check in with Ralphie his teachers always told me he was asking for me and it gave me joy =everyday to see the young man trying his best and actually having green days. He had three consecutive green days and I held up my end of the bargain. His mom was happy he was happy his teacher was happy and I even cracked a smile. It was a great experience. A little help from you can go a long way. 

Disclaimer… If you know anyone dealing with depression don’t take it lightly it’s a very serious thing. It’s a mental state that a person really can’t control. Help them or help them to seek help. You’re not crazy if you talk to a psychologist or whomever it is you need to talk to.